Monday, September 27, 2010

What a Week!


The weeks go by too fast – five weeks already! We love having our family of four – God has blessed us so much. We are still learning new thing everyday and I am still afraid to leave the house with both boys. Will I ever not be afraid? Probably not. I have also realized I am horrible at taking pictures of Judah…the first born gets all the love. I am really going to get better at taking pictures…at least that is what I tell myself. Hugh is still doing great with Judah (or Juah Juah as he likes to call him, which kind of sticks…but we’ll break it) and I love to watch them together. It has been a harder week than normal, but we see God’s faithfulness everyday.


So, what did week five bring for Judah? Another shot! PCH starts their shots earlier than we expected so he got his first poke on Friday…lucky him. Also, we found out he is 9lbs. 6oz. and 20.5in. He is growing and they are not concerned with his weight gain…three pounds in a month…wow! Obviously, we don’t want the weight gain to continue like it has or we’ll have a baby the size of a first grader at the end of the year! We are glad he is healthy and growing. He is getting chunky…finally, we’ll get to see what Hubey would had looked like with a little meat on his bones. He is still having some fussy times, but we are learning to manage…this is our season right now. He got to have Dada take his feedings one night…they had a lot of fun together (just ask Jake…best night ever). He has outgrown the newborn clothes and diapers. We think his eyes may be getting lighter and he’ll have blue eyes…ah, a girl can dream (and yes, I am just kidding with my constant blue eyes comments (even though my sister-in-law would disagree)…I love brown eyes!). I think he smiled at me…Jake would probably disagree, but I am fairly certain it was a smile (you see, Hugh did everything for Jake first…this baby is all mine). I am sure he’ll have lots more smiles for me in the future (and for Jake too).


So, why was this “such” a week? Well, I worked out…that is a miracle…haven’t done that in a LONG time. So, I did the “30 Day Shred” with Jillian (Level 1…I am not trying to be anyone’s hero and I know all of you who do Insanity are laughing at me…keep on laughing) and the next day I was SORE…like SO sore…from my head to my toes, from my breasts to my buttocks, from…you get it, just so sore. Well, I decided to take my temperature and I had a low grade fever…Jillian really kicked my tail. So, I took a nap and woke up with a much higher fever…felt HORRIBLE. I have mastitis…lucky me. And you might be thinking, “how does one get mastitis from a pump?”…well, my pump is one dirty boy…kidding. I kept trying breastfeeding this week and we are all done with it (the ladies could handle no more bruising, bleeding,…they surrendered) – we are assuming the mastitis came from breastfeeding again. It was an emotional week – honestly, I felt like I was less of a mother and wife because I wasn’t breastfeeding and if this was one hundred years ago, what would I do? Well, I have a wonderful husband who reminded me that it wasn’t one hundred years ago and I am still a good wife and mother without the breastfeeding (and we all appreciate the more “sane” me this time around)…sometimes, you just need someone else to say it. (So, now I'll stop blogging about bfing and all my woes...what will I blog about?) So, I am on antibiotics for the infection, but the clogged duct won’t unclog…I have tried everything and will continue to try everything…my supply is TERRIBLE now…very sad. I am hoping it gets unclogged VERY soon…not sure what to do, but I am just going to relax about it…or try to relax about it…this girl is serious about milk. Jake got to take all the feedings for Judah one night (not like I got to sleep because I had the chills for over two hours straight and still had to pump in the night…love it)…it was a very long night for him…he was a trooper (he said he could almost feel like what it felt like to be a mom…except for the labor, delivery, breastfeeding, months of sleepless nights…yep, just what it felt like to be a mom...kidding) – Jake was SO amazing this past week – I am blessed with the most incredible husband!

So, now we look forward to another week and hopefully, a full recovery. Thanks to everyone for your prayers!


(Really need to get better on the pics - I am not doing our handsome boy justice.)

Monday, September 20, 2010

Expectations


Wow, it has been four weeks…almost one month! We have had two kids (living on the outside) for almost one month! I have been sleep deprived for almost one month…that sometimes feels like longer than a month! Things are going well…still haven’t ventured out on any errands with the two kids…seems like a lot of work, but I am sure it will happen…in another few months. We are loving our family of four and still trying to figure everything out. Hugh has done so well with Judah and we are so thankful that transition has gone so well. Sometimes, I think Hugh has done better than I have with it all. But the transition from one to two was still WAY easier than the transition from zero to one. We are in love with our two boys…so in love!


So, what did week four bring for Judah? Well, we have definitely started to see his “personality” some more, which includes a very fussy time from about 7PM until 10PM. He can also show this love during the day as well. Honestly, he seems to be uncomfortable or hungry or he is just a baby or all of the above…still trying to figure it all out (no, we do not have him on any “diet”…he is eating). I have really realized that my expectations of babies are completely unrealistic. And what are those expectations…well, I don’t think they should just cry because they can…I think if they cry, then they need a reason…like they are hungry, hurt, etc…not just because they have a voice and they choose to use it. It is frustrating for parents to figure out the why…sometimes there is no why, it is just because. I continue to see my sin nature revealed as I try to control my kingdom and not honor God in His kingdom. Yes, I am a reasonable person…just don’t like to see my son cry. I remember with Hugh that I would apologize to others when he would cry and one time my oldest brother said to me, “Why would you apologize? He is a baby and babies cry.” So, I am learning to chill out and enjoy it all…even the fussy times…oh, and am realizing to get some realistic expectations (and realizing my kids don’t fit into a box…figuratively, not literally). Who would have thought that I would have so much to learn with my second baby? We have learned Judah can go from sleeping to super mad angry in less than one second…this kid doesn’t mess around. He loves shower time with Dada – very peaceful for him. We decided to jump right into showers this time around because we don’t want Judah to have an aversion to putting his face in the water like Hubey did. We are half swaddling him – he cannot have his arms swaddled because if he did, he would have nothing to scratch his face with or hit his face with in the middle of the night…I am always shocked when babies enjoy a full swaddle (wish I had one). He is losing his hair just like Hugh did (it grew back) and Jake (not growing back). He is his brother’s mini me…people say they don’t see it, but it is all I see. He sleeps better than Hugh did during the day, but honestly, I can’t really remember with Hugh and I didn’t document everything in the blog. He likes the swing, which is nice…but he lets us know when he is all done. We are still figuring out what pacifier works best for him…because one will work…we have a Johnson baby in that sense…total oral fixation. Basically, he is being a typical baby…who is getting big too fast and I know I’ll look back and miss this all. And honestly, he is a good, little boy…just trying to figure out life one month out of the womb…I am sure it is a big adjustment. God has blessed us so much and we are so thankful…and also so thankful the constant lessons learned.


So, you all see what I am learning…lots. Also, I randomly decided to try bfing again today – very random. Plus – he went right back to it like he had never left (this kid hasn’t met a nipple he doesn’t like) and negative – it hurt…owie for sure. So, I am going to try it off and on this week and start to fully commit. I can deal with the pain – I know it will go away…at least I hope it will go away at some point. And, I know I can always pump. If he starts freaking out at the breast (like Hugh did…the constant ripping on and off), then we will retire bfing completely and only stick with pumping…and I won’t look back (no regrets for this girl). As Jake and I discussed, my sanity is the most important thing during this time. So, I’ll grab some wine later this week and relax and start…at least the wine will feel good. I am praying constantly about this – I know this is not bigger than God (I am sure some of you think I am crazy and way overreacting…I am not disagreeing…just scared and trying to deal with it all.). I am considering starting a work-out plan this week…I really need to cut out all the cookies, candies, “teets” that I eat ALL day…no bueno. So, here is to hoping that me and Jillian meet this week and form a love/hate relationship (I am sure more hate than love). We’ll see. I am still tired (big shock there) and I actually notice I speak slower, have a hard time comprehending, and mispronounce words I have known since I was six…awesome. The life of having a newborn – honestly, I wouldn’t trade any of it…even if I sound and act like a drunken sailor.


We thank you all for your prayers – seriously. I will try to stop whining in future posts…some weeks are better than other weeks. We know God is so faithful – we see it in everything we do.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

All About Hugh...


No, I haven’t forgotten about my first born…he makes that impossible, but he just hasn’t been getting as much blog love lately…a girl can only blog so much. So, this post is dedicated to our amazing first born son, Hubey.


And what you ask is new with Hugh? Well, we have the spent the last three plus weeks trying to potty train (yes, we know he is still young and yes, we knew we were having a baby, but this is what we decided was best for us…so, we committed). We did the three day potty training method (no diapers at all…and no pull-ups ever)…clearly, our son needs a few more than three days. He does well with peeing in the potty (as long as he doesn’t get too caught up doing something else…ah, boys) and for the other…well, it is in a work in progress. And we have promised the world to this kid once he figures it all out…a pony, a new car, beach front property,…you name it. He pretty much has to take off all of his clothes to use the potty, which is super awesome in a public restroom (especially for a germaphobe Dada). He loves to get his “teets”…and I am sure he’ll still be getting them when he is seven (I also love getting the “teets”…I have lots of successful potty trips during the day – yah for me and for my waistline!). God really works on your sanctification during potty training…your sin is definitely revealed to you. We learned this week that in the grand scheme of things, potty training is such a small piece of the puzzle and our goal as parents is to always be pointing our children to the gospel, which we weren’t doing. So, now we breathe and focus our hearts…I am sure we’ll be able to look back and laugh at all of this. He still loves to sing his ABCs ALL the time – you can recognize the majority of the letters and the LMNO piece is very cute. He just loves singing songs in general and can actually keep a beat really well…he did not get this from me. We are planning on letting him express his musical side with some instruments for his big b-day coming up next month. He repeats everything and is getting so much clearer…like the other day when he started saying “boobies owie”…awesome. Of course, we laugh so he just says it more. I think he’ll be quite the talker, which we love and I am sure will also drive us insane. He picks up on things very easily and has quite the memory – so, we have learned not to promise something unless we plan to deliver because he will remember. He can count to three now – wow, that took some time!


We are looking forward to starting “school” with him once he turns two – all we are doing is a learning board with him and I’ll change out the theme, letter, number, shape, color, Bible verse, etc. each week. He is a sponge right now, so we figure we’ll take advantage of it and have some fun learning time with him. Also, our hearts are to homeschool our children and we feel this will be a step in the right direction…obviously, we have lots of time to pray about this and evaluate our sanity…so, ask me in six months how I feel about homeschooling…I may have a different opinion! He loves to be helpful – he’ll get anything you ask him to get or he’ll just tell you “no”…we are working on that one, but he loves to get everything Judah needs (bottle, nigh-night, nukey, etc…normally, you’ll find him giving extra “special” attention to nigh-night and nukey). He loves Judah and asks about him a lot, but has zero body control around him…so, we watch his “love” for Judah like a hawk…don’t want to have to explain to Judah one day why he only has one eye is because his brother “loved” him so much! He also loves to “help” around the house and always helps with the trash, unloading the dishwasher (this involves throwing all the silverware in the drawer, but I love the fact that he wants to help…so, I don’t mind and I let my OCD play dormant), putting dishes in the sink, and washing dishes (we try to explain to him that he will get plenty of time to do all of these things in the future, but he still has a servant’s heart now – love it). He has a special love for his cousins and is in constant awe of Logan (but asks for Evie all the time) – he gets the biggest smile on his face when he sees him…thankful that Loges is so sweet with him – we look forward to seeing their relationship grow. He has had some special time with his Grandma Anne – they have sleepovers – I am very thankful to be surrounded by amazing family! He is always asking to go “buh-bye” and my mom is perfect to take him buh-bye. He is so silly and he makes us laugh all the time. He loves to run around nay-ked in circles and scream – it doesn’t sound funny, but it is. When he burps, he’ll laugh and say “cuse me Dada” – so funny (and yes, I have stated it before – we laugh at his body noises…this house is perfect for boys). He can definitely have some sass, but for the most part is very sweet and one of his Sunday school teachers told me that he is the best sharer and the sweetest boy…that melts my heart (God is good). He is getting to be so big and we cannot believe he will be two next month…the last two years have gone by so fast. I remember seeing some quote about the days going by slow, but the years go by so fast – so true.


We are so thankful to be the parents of this growing boy. God is so faithful to hear our prayers and meet us in our circumstances. I have learned that it is easier than I thought to yell at your children and it is a very shameful and humbling experience – seeking forgiveness from your almost two-year-old. God is definitely revealing the ugliness of my heart everyday to me and constantly reminding me that my children will see the gospel through me…wow, that is huge! So, I am brought to my knees continually seeking God to guide me as I know I cannot do this on my own. I am thankful that God is the author of salvation and His grace is sufficient. I pray for patience and love for my little ones…the same patience and love that God shows me everyday (that is A LOT). God is good – that we know.


We hope you all are doing well. Thanks so much for your prayers!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Figuring it Out...


Seriously, week three…the weeks are flying! Now, two to five the other morning did not fly, but those nights are still fun…not really. I remember those nights with Hugh…the ones that lasted forever, but clearly they ended…and we all survived. Judah is getting so much bigger – really starting to fill out. It is crazy how quickly they get big and lose the newborn look.


So, what did week three bring for Judah? Well, it brought nicknames. We are HUGE on nicknames…Hugh probably has at least ten to fifteen different nicknames (lucky him). So, originally we were going to call Judah, “Little Lion”…but, I struggle with “lion”, like I am calling him a liar…I know it is silly, but right now I don’t like it. So, we have been calling him Judah Bear, J-Man, J, JJ (which I should mention was my work name in college…I worked at Macaroni Grill (not some other place you all maybe were thinking!)…you had to write your name on the table…upside down and backwards…I needed an easy name). We’ll eventually figure out the nickname that sticks, or multiple nicknames that stick. His first meds came this week. We decided to go ahead and put him on Zantac since we had a couple of bad nights and I don’t like to see my baby in pain. So, we found out that he gained almost two pounds in ten days (he now weighs 8lbs. 6oz.)…what a champ…found out this is not such a good thing. I got a serious lecture from the doctor about overfeeding him…he is gaining double the average. I explained to her that he was hungry and he was eating to cover the pain of the reflux. She explained to me that his little stomach cannot hold all the milk we give him (explains the vomit sessions) and that we need to give him smaller feeds. I explained that I believed breastfed babies couldn’t overeat, which she explained was true…however, Judah is not a breastfed baby…he is a bottle fed baby with breast milk…big difference and he can overeat. Whatever, whatever…semantics. So, we tried the smaller feeds…he was hungry…so, we aren’t going to worry about it. He is eating less than he was before, but if he is supposed to be our big baby than so be it and we are going to let him eat…now, if you see me hand him a basket of KFC chicken when he is two, we’ll know we made a mistake, but for now…no worries on his weight gain. Seriously, we can’t win…we have one son who we would get yelled at for not gaining enough weight and another one for gaining too much weight! I think the combo of the less food and the Zantac is working…he seems to be fairly mellow. I also probably need to watch what I eat since it is all passed to him…I am really bad at this…I just eat whatever I want. He also seems to do well with the pacifier…love the pacifier. We remind him to treat her like a lady just as with did with Hubey. Now as we approach three weeks, I think we’ll start seeing some more personality…this is the start of the possible dreaded colic time…praying for a chill baby. He seems to go with the flow as of now and I think he has to being the second born…you don’t pick them up every time they make a sound, you don’t spend every waking moment trying to figure out how to make them happy, you realize they can sleep without you holding them (even though, you swore your first born could not do this), and the list goes on. He enjoyed meeting Uncle Jared and looks forward to meeting the rest of the fam. He enjoyed his first women’s retreat at church and did well…except for the middle of the night when he wanted to stare deeply into his Mama’s eyes and ponder life…it was awesome. He still has his super cute sleep (gas…whatever) smiles and then normally goes into a “Blue Steel” face (his uncle Clayton would be so proud). He is still little and figuring out life…we love to watch him grow and figure out life with him. God has blessed us so much with this little boy.


Well, of course I have to update everyone on the pumping/bfing (breastfeeding…I am so hip) saga. Yep, still exclusively pumping and becoming Bessie at Shamrock Farms…my milk supply has no problems…at all (but still taking Fenugreek because I love the smell of maple syrup…yummy). I had a breakthrough and realized that I am scared.to.death. to breastfeed…so scared. You see, I like to do things that I am good at doing…and bfing…I am no good. I am just really scared…I have been really praying about it and know God is faithful. I am hoping to try in the next couple weeks. However, right now Judah is getting fed and that is all that matters. So, this saga won’t go on forever…however, I know you all would miss reading about it. I still feel good…still waiting for a bruised tailbone to heal, but other than that everything is good. And working out…still not happening…just doesn’t sound appealing…at all. Glad I got a very large size for my bridesmaid’s dress. Oh, and I am tired…big shock there.


Thanks for your prayers. We are thankful we serve a loving God when we are so undeserving. God is so faithful and we can do nothing apart from him. Stay tuned for an all about Hubey post in the next couple of days…yes, I still have love for my big boy!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Adjusting


Okay, two weeks down! I cannot believe we are two weeks down! There are times (especially in the middle of the night) when I feel like we are only two hours down, but I remember this season is so short and our little guy will become our big guy before we know it…so, I enjoy the nights because they won’t last forever. We are enjoying Judah so much. He is such a cutie and has the best sleep smiles – I love them…I need to get them on camera because they are so cute. Jake is officially going back to the office next week – he worked from home this past week. We are REALLY going to miss him, but we’ll survive…we don’t really have a choice. Obviously, we are still adjusting to the new dynamic, but it is a good adjustment and we wouldn’t have it any other way. I saw a glimpse into my future this past week while Jake was on a conference call…Judah was crying in the bouncy seat, Hugh was asking to be picked up and pulling at me, and oh, what was I doing…I was tending to our third child, “Da Pump”…yes, our third child who needs love and care just like other two children. He requires feeding every three to four hours, but then sleeps very well…which is nice. So, yes…still pumping and loving it. We have not tried breastfeeding again…yet. We all (especially those who will remain nameless) still need some more time. So, yes…we are adjusting, but it is all good…all a blessing from God.


So, what did week two bring for Judah? Honestly, not a whole lot. He is definitely adjusting to life outside the womb. He doesn’t get a constant food source any longer, which he definitely misses. It seems like his little tummy is hurting him, which we are still figuring out. He seems to enjoy the babywearing, but I get nervous about wearing him…I always feel like babywearing creates “needy” babies…crazy or true? It is nice to be hands free at times, but I don’t want to create a baby that screams when he isn’t in the sling. Also, we are not into attachment parenting. Ah, not sure what to do… Jake kicked us out of bed, so Judah is in the crib…sometimes. Sometimes, we are in the guest bedroom trying to sleep. I know the crib is a long transition and doesn’t happen overnight…so, we are patient in this process. You do whatever you can to get sleep…that is survival and at two weeks, we are still in survival mode. He went to church for the first time (we didn’t go with Hugh until he was like five weeks) and vomited all over me, which was awesome…he can have some serious vomit sessions. Good thing I love having my breast milk all over me. He is getting big and has almost grown out of the outfit we brought him home from the hospital, which was a preemie size. We are still sure that he is a mini Hubey…but maybe with blue eyes? Doubtful, but a mom can dream (just kidding…I love my brown-eyed boys). He is still trying to figure out a good schedule (yes, we are scheduled parents (not 100% Babywise parents, but we appreciate a schedule)…and no, we don’t think it creates any long-term problems)…I would love a four hour schedule, but he isn’t there yet…so, we wait for it to happen. So, right now…no schedule. He eats A LOT…like five ounces per feeding, isn’t that a lot for a newborn? Hubey didn’t drink five ounces until he was…oh, wait…he never did. We are also bringing out the Dr. Brown bottles (with the million parts) since Judah likes to gulp…yah for bottle washing! We love our new, little boy…he is such a great addition to our family!


We are all adjusting and doing well. And as I stated above, still pumping…and will continue to do it. When the kids are screaming or Hugh is torturing his little brother, I will just go to my happy place and pretend it isn’t happening…I love my happy place. I have been taking Fenugreek (an herb to stimulate milk production…yes, I panic about my milk production just like all moms) again this time around and I am starting to smell like maple syrup (a side effect of Fenugreek…oh joy)…so, if you are craving pancakes, don’t stand near me. My production seems just fine. My hair is starting to fall out again…the clumps will come soon…why is this is a side effect of pregnancy? Seriously, why? I still feel really good…so thankful for this. I am trying to get back into some type of schedule. We’ll get there. I went back and read some of Hugh’s old posts…some made me laugh…I definitely had to analyze everything and figure everything out. You know what; babies are just babies at times…nothing to figure out. Just like crazy Mamas are crazy Mamas at times. I love that I can go back and read them…so fun. I have realized that my boys will probably not enjoy the posts as much as I do, but I know their future wives will just love them! I enjoying my two boys…things can be crazy, but it is fun…and I will adjust.


We thank God for His incredible love for us when we are so undeserving. We constantly see our totally dependence on God in our parenting…we cannot do it without Him. We pray that we always keep God at the center of everything and always lead our boys to Him. We thank you all for your prayers!