Monday, September 20, 2010

Expectations


Wow, it has been four weeks…almost one month! We have had two kids (living on the outside) for almost one month! I have been sleep deprived for almost one month…that sometimes feels like longer than a month! Things are going well…still haven’t ventured out on any errands with the two kids…seems like a lot of work, but I am sure it will happen…in another few months. We are loving our family of four and still trying to figure everything out. Hugh has done so well with Judah and we are so thankful that transition has gone so well. Sometimes, I think Hugh has done better than I have with it all. But the transition from one to two was still WAY easier than the transition from zero to one. We are in love with our two boys…so in love!


So, what did week four bring for Judah? Well, we have definitely started to see his “personality” some more, which includes a very fussy time from about 7PM until 10PM. He can also show this love during the day as well. Honestly, he seems to be uncomfortable or hungry or he is just a baby or all of the above…still trying to figure it all out (no, we do not have him on any “diet”…he is eating). I have really realized that my expectations of babies are completely unrealistic. And what are those expectations…well, I don’t think they should just cry because they can…I think if they cry, then they need a reason…like they are hungry, hurt, etc…not just because they have a voice and they choose to use it. It is frustrating for parents to figure out the why…sometimes there is no why, it is just because. I continue to see my sin nature revealed as I try to control my kingdom and not honor God in His kingdom. Yes, I am a reasonable person…just don’t like to see my son cry. I remember with Hugh that I would apologize to others when he would cry and one time my oldest brother said to me, “Why would you apologize? He is a baby and babies cry.” So, I am learning to chill out and enjoy it all…even the fussy times…oh, and am realizing to get some realistic expectations (and realizing my kids don’t fit into a box…figuratively, not literally). Who would have thought that I would have so much to learn with my second baby? We have learned Judah can go from sleeping to super mad angry in less than one second…this kid doesn’t mess around. He loves shower time with Dada – very peaceful for him. We decided to jump right into showers this time around because we don’t want Judah to have an aversion to putting his face in the water like Hubey did. We are half swaddling him – he cannot have his arms swaddled because if he did, he would have nothing to scratch his face with or hit his face with in the middle of the night…I am always shocked when babies enjoy a full swaddle (wish I had one). He is losing his hair just like Hugh did (it grew back) and Jake (not growing back). He is his brother’s mini me…people say they don’t see it, but it is all I see. He sleeps better than Hugh did during the day, but honestly, I can’t really remember with Hugh and I didn’t document everything in the blog. He likes the swing, which is nice…but he lets us know when he is all done. We are still figuring out what pacifier works best for him…because one will work…we have a Johnson baby in that sense…total oral fixation. Basically, he is being a typical baby…who is getting big too fast and I know I’ll look back and miss this all. And honestly, he is a good, little boy…just trying to figure out life one month out of the womb…I am sure it is a big adjustment. God has blessed us so much and we are so thankful…and also so thankful the constant lessons learned.


So, you all see what I am learning…lots. Also, I randomly decided to try bfing again today – very random. Plus – he went right back to it like he had never left (this kid hasn’t met a nipple he doesn’t like) and negative – it hurt…owie for sure. So, I am going to try it off and on this week and start to fully commit. I can deal with the pain – I know it will go away…at least I hope it will go away at some point. And, I know I can always pump. If he starts freaking out at the breast (like Hugh did…the constant ripping on and off), then we will retire bfing completely and only stick with pumping…and I won’t look back (no regrets for this girl). As Jake and I discussed, my sanity is the most important thing during this time. So, I’ll grab some wine later this week and relax and start…at least the wine will feel good. I am praying constantly about this – I know this is not bigger than God (I am sure some of you think I am crazy and way overreacting…I am not disagreeing…just scared and trying to deal with it all.). I am considering starting a work-out plan this week…I really need to cut out all the cookies, candies, “teets” that I eat ALL day…no bueno. So, here is to hoping that me and Jillian meet this week and form a love/hate relationship (I am sure more hate than love). We’ll see. I am still tired (big shock there) and I actually notice I speak slower, have a hard time comprehending, and mispronounce words I have known since I was six…awesome. The life of having a newborn – honestly, I wouldn’t trade any of it…even if I sound and act like a drunken sailor.


We thank you all for your prayers – seriously. I will try to stop whining in future posts…some weeks are better than other weeks. We know God is so faithful – we see it in everything we do.

2 comments:

AprilJ said...

I think Judah looks like Hugh, too.. but what do I know?! He's super cute. Wish we could meet him in person! Love you guys.

Filleman Family said...

drunken sailor . . or drunken Saylor . . haha :) I still feel like I get no sleep and sound incoherent some days - does that get better?? Judah gets bigger every time I see your blog. Crazy. It goes too fast.