Sunday, July 29, 2012

More of the Same


Week twenty done!  Sammy is now twenty weeks - a little hard to believe, but it doesn't change what is truth.  Honestly, this week was pretty much more of the same...nothing too exciting to report except that he got to meet his Aunt April and cousins who live in Alaska - that was the highlight for sure.  As I have learned with the other boys, not every week can be milestone sitting in a grocery cart or moving up a diaper size...wait, he did move up a diaper size (size two now...woot, woot), it was a HUGE week (my mistake).  The week flew by...which is why I (Jake) just busted out the camera this afternoon...ugh...poor third child with no pictures.  It doesn't mean we don't love him just the same...he just gets the leftovers right now...poor buddy.  We love this sweet boy...just don't have the pics to prove it!

So, what did week twenty bring for Sammy?  Well, I am not going to whine and whine about the sleeping issues (I'll just drink, I am so clever)...let's just say we are working on it and leave it at that.  And, I swear the more sleep I get, the worse I crazy.  And, I no longer drink "just" a half of cup of coffee...bring on the full cup.  He is no longer rolling over in the crib...he is no longer rolling period.  Guess he thought that skill wasn't so needed.  Whatever.  As each week goes by he loses his "chill" factor a little more...oh well...he is still chill, just not the kind of chill that you can forget about him (not like I would want to do that, not me).  He is desperately trying to sit least it looks like it when he laying down, but I work on it with him and he is a like a sack of potatoes.  All in time.  And I know what comes with sitting...mobility...and I want none of that.  I don't know why he doesn't think laying on back staring at the same four toys isn't fun used to be fun.  This week is bringing his first Olympics (Jake is like a little school girl just beaming with excitement...not sure Sam feels the same way).  He continues to be very sensitive to noise...very sensitive.  I am surprised he doesn't appreciate me yelling at his brothers...I know his brothers appreciate it.  He continues to be super distracted when he eats (similar to how I am super distracted when I try to do ANY task...what is wrong with me?).  He seems to be liking the bottle a bit more and you know what, that is okay.  I feel like I have done pretty well for five months with breastfeeding and will not be hard on myself this time around.  He does love to hold my finger when he eats (either nursing or a bottle) and it could be one of the sweetest things in the whole world.  He continues to adore his big brothers and I think Jake is slowing wooing him to his team has no members...Jake's team has three members (including himself)...Sam is still deciding, but I think Jake is winning...for the love of Pete...give a girl a team member already.  I am getting a dog - maybe a dog would be my teammate.  I am okay with it...I don't mind having no teammates in the night when a certain child (that shall remain nameless) is screaming for a tissue...your teammate, your tissue.  He has been giggling a lot more lately and I love his sweet laugh.  He is a fairly serious baby, but when he smiles, he smiles big and it is oh so sweet.  I keep having people tell me that he looks just like me...fingers crossed that means nose excluded.  He is such a sweet boy.  Overall, he is doing great...hard to believe we are pushing on five did that happen?!?

Praising God for His Word during this season...I know I am a better mom when I start my day in His Word - end of story.  Tired or not, I pray I stay focused on Christ and the incredible blessings He has given me in all three of my boys.  It is a privilege to be their Mama...I pray I don't waste it.

Monday, July 23, 2012

A Sleepless Season


Welcome nineteen weeks…(well, actually already twenty weeks…I am always behind this time around.  Seriously, three kids has made me into a late, behind the schedule type of person…oh, well…guess I’ll just embrace it.)!  I started thinking Sammy was a 23rd baby as well (Hugh and Judah were both born on the 23rd of different months) since I was telling everyone this weekend he was almost five months.  Which of course, everyone responded with, “Wow, he is REALLY tiny for being five months!” And then I remembered he is only four and a half months, so he is HUGE for being four and a half months.  Almost everyone comments on how tiny Sam is – I am embracing it, but my “you’re a total mother failure” voice in the back of my head keeps telling me it is the breastfeeding.  Ugh.  I know he is healthy and happy…just tiny…and a terrible sleeper.  Such is my season and God is blessing me in it…every step of the way.

So, what did week nineteen bring for Sammy?  Well, it continues to bring junky sleep.  And a mother who fails at “working it out”.  It is just so hard to hear him cry when I know that just putting the pacifier back in will put him right back to sleep.  Yes, TOTALLY pacifier dependent.  One of these days I’ll let it happen and I’ll be consistent…one of these days.  And I thought he was at least getting into a better day schedule, but then the end of the week happened and his schedule was junk…oh well.  I am convinced he sleeps the best for me and when Jake is home he gets all thrown off…always seemed to be the case with the boys…they never wanted to miss a minute with Daddy.  We’ll see how this week goes.  Honestly, the schedules get harder with more kids…you aren’t home like you were with your first, so naps are on the go…poor buddy.  Still have the swing in the closet – it will not be coming back out.  I am so over the swing (nothing personal my faithful friend).  We’ll see how this next week goes…Jake reminded me that Hugh was not a good sleeper as a baby, but he is great now…true.  All in time…all in time.  But seriously, what a girl would do to get a good night of sleep?!?  Sam seems to be a very distracted eater and his brothers love to distract…yay me.  Wish I could cage the big boys while I nurse Sam – anyone have a cage I can borrow?...seriously.  There is still no love affair with nursing…at all.  I swear that time stops when I nurse…three minutes feels like forty-five minutes.  I am like in a breast feeding time warp…similar to the time warp I was in while pumping…I felt like time stood still, which wasn’t so bad when I could pump alone and have like five minutes ALL.TO.MYSELF!  And I digress.  So, I haven’t shared this on the blog yet…I am pregnant…kidding (if I was pregnant, you would be able to hear the screams all over the valley)…Sam is going to need surgery.  We have known pretty much since birth – he has a “boy parts" issue and he needs to get it fixed.  It is a very standard surgery, but it is never fun to have one of your babies have surgery.  It is better to do this surgery sooner rather than later, so it will be at the end of September.  We trust in God with our sweet boy – He is always in control. I pray that I won’t have anxiety over all of it, and will cast my worries at the Cross.  It is just hard.  Sammy learned a new trick this week and can now roll from his back to his tummy…he only does it in the crib.  At that point, he starts crying…because he is now on his belly when he would rather be on his back.  What I would like to say to Sam - #1 Just roll back over – you have been rolling from tummy to back since you were like six weeks.  What happens in your brain that you forget how to roll over?!?  #2 Just embrace the tummy sleeping – you are going to be sleeping on your tummy most likely anyway within the next month…just EMBRACE it!  Too bad he doesn’t listen to me.  He is still getting some serious mat time…much to his dismay.  He will rip some of the toys down now and toss them…do you think he is trying to tell me something?  Nah.  Seems like he would really like to sit up…he really works his abs when he is laying down…glad at least one of us is.  He has started to grab at my fork when I am eating now…maybe ready for solids…and here comes one of my crazy moments…so, I am looking into something called “baby led weaning” – it is a British term in regards to feeding your baby solid foods (I am so Euro.).  Basically, you bypass baby food and go straight to finger foods once your baby shows readiness – between six to eight months.  I am pretty much sold on the idea since I hate baby food and cannot for the life of me figure out how I am going to find time to feed Sam baby food.  So, I have about a month to figure it out since we wouldn’t be starting with solids/baby food/whatever until six months anyway. Another whole deal with this is the true “baby led weaning” on nursing and “they” say that if babies were to “lead” the weaning process – they would nurse until three to four years of age…uh, notta gonna happen…no way.  The mere thought sends chills down my spine.  I am a believer that breast is best, but my baby still gets formula and he survives…now, my ladies would not survive another three years…no way.  So, we’ll see.  Still have lots of people say they think he looks just like me...still don't really see it.  What I see is Sam's isthmus of hair - and I always sing "island in the sun" in my head (you know, that awesome Weezer song..."On an island in the sun, we'll be playing and having fun...")...he totally has Jake's awesome hairline.  He is super handsome...just has an "island in the sun" for his hair right now, which totally makes him look like a little man.  He continues to be so sweet – he has lots of smiles and giggles (mostly for those that really know him – he tends to be Serious Sam with those he doesn’t know).  He is such an easy going little guy (except for when he chooses not to sleep, then he is a total whining clingy monkey).  We are so blessed with this sweet baby.

I continue to seek God during this lack of sleep season – a good reminder that my strength comes from the Lord…always.  I also know that even when I am not getting great sleep, I always need to start my day in God’s word – it makes a HUGE impact on how on our day goes and how I respond to the boys.  God is so patient and kind with me…I pray that is my heart to my boys…especially during this sleepless season.

Monday, July 16, 2012

The Crank

Eighteen weeks and four months! We are inching right along. The other night Jake and I were discussing the birthdays for the big boys and it dawned on me that Sammy will be almost eight months when Hubey turns four, which of course, immediately makes me sad and makes me want another baby. I know, I already have a baby and he is only four months…shoot, I have three babies and sometimes four babies (when Jake is sick). But there is something about this “little” stage when they are so dependent upon you…yes, it is totally draining, but it also is so sweet…and there is nothing else like it (well, I’ve never had a dog…so…maybe). Ah, I love this little guy and want to stop time…just for a little bit.


So, what did week eighteen bring for Sammy? Well, it brought the crank (as in crankiness…not the other stuff…we don’t start ‘em that young in this house). Sammy is normally always a happy guy, but this week something changed and in order to be happy, he would like for you to hold him. Not sure if it was related to his shots, but he definitely was not my happy go lucky guy this week. We’ll see how he is this next week. Now, he is still a happy guy…just not so happy that you can forget about him because he is so happy and doesn’t make a peep (and wow, that makes me sound like an awesome mom). We’re still working on the sleep training – he is hit or miss on his night sleeping. Sometimes he sleeps all the way through and sometimes he wakes up crying for a little bit…we’ll just keep at it. Also, I committed to day training and put the swing away…for good. With Judah, I would put the swing away and then bring it back – constantly…not doing that this time around. I am committed (or should be committed) to sleep training. And again, hit or miss on his days…but he has to stay in his crib for at least ninety minutes and “work it out”. I have been putting a lot of blankets in his crib lately (insert terrible mother here)…I have this thought that he loves a soft blanket by his face…and if he drops his pacifier, he normally likes to suck on the blanket. Well, while he is trying to fall asleep, he will normally play with these blankets…and I’ll tell you what, he can get REALLY tangled up in these blankets, which makes him SUPER mad. Ugh…one more reason for me to have to go into his room to fix his sleep situation. The smart thing to do would probably be to ditch the blankets…but how lonely? Still haven’t gotten the whole bumper thing worked out (thankfully, my sister-in-law is going to let me borrow one). We’ll see if that helps. And, he is totally pacifier dependent…it is what it is…end of story. So, he had his four month appointment and is now 12lbs. 7oz. (10%) and 24.5in. long (35%)…yes, he is a tiny guy. I talked with the doctor about it, because honestly, I start to panic a little…all stems from my breastfeeding woes (big shock). He said he is completely fine – no need to supplement or add solids yet. I also read in that fun little “this is what your baby should be doing” hand-out that he should be drinking six ounces per feeding (definitely not happening when he takes a bottle) and that he should be going four to five hours between feedings (and we are still on a three hour schedule)…ah, such is life. So, I take a deep breath and relax a little and love on my tiny baby. He did great with his shots…cried for less than a minute…shots are SO much easier at this age. He is very healthy and yes, we are waiting to start solids until six or so plus months…I hate that stage…so the longer I wait; the better. However, he did try to suck on a little watermelon…looked like he was a fan…and yep, still waiting on the solids. He seems to enjoy tv – every time it is on, he tries to maneuver himself with a perfect view…I threw out the no tv before two rule a long time ago, but I would love to enforce if I could. He is still a total mover for diaper changes…drives me crazy. Still does great on his tummy and I am fairly certain we are out of the woods for needing a band…yay for us! It is something I really notice now (obviously because I had a kid wear one), and it always surprises me when kids have super flat heads and their parents don’t notice at all…each to their own…we have no regrets with getting that band for Judah. He is grabbing at toys a lot more and can pull toys off his mat…crazy how much a baby can change in four months! He is super active and is constantly kicking his legs (a future runner…oh joy). He is still quite the squealer and will always let you know he is around with his squeals. He seems to do great in the Ergo and loves to stare up at me…melt my heart! He is still really trying to roll to his stomach, but those darn shoulders just keep getting in the way. We are still giving him a bottle at night (after I nurse him) to try and load him up…he is much more willing to take a bottle from me after I have nursed him…silly boy. And still dreamfeeding – not sure when we’ll drop that. Honestly, once we drop the dreamfeed, I think I’ll need to pump at night. I produce A LOT of milk…I could easily have another baby follow Sam after I feed him (any takers???...kidding) since I can pump at least four ounces after I feed him. I get engorged only going seven hours of not feeding him…twelve hours scares me and makes me want to cry. And I know, pumping will probably only make it worse…ugh, such dilemmas. Four months into nursing…pat me on the back and give me a medal (yes, I'm being dramatic…only kind of). We love this baby boy…he is a sweet boy…hoping for no crank this week.

I praise God that I am working through sleep training with a happy heart. I love my sleep. The funny thing is, I feel like I am more tired with getting more sleep? Who knows. Tis my season…and I love it…not every minute, but I’ll take it.


Sunday, July 8, 2012

Let the Sleep Training Begin!

Seventeen weeks!  And, almost four months!  Sammy is a third of his way through his first year of life…crazy!  Seriously, these first four months have flown by…I expect the next four months to fly and then the next four months…and then bam!...Sammy will be a year-old.  But for now, he is only four months and I’ll focus on that and not fast forward through it all.  We have loved every last bit of these four months.  Sam is such a sweetheart and is such a wonderful addition to our house, I know I say it all the time, but it is true – we love this baby boy!

So, what did week seventeen bring for Sammy?  Well, it has officially brought the sleep training…ugh.  I HATE SLEEP TRAINING!  Honestly, it has been more of the night sleep training than the day sleep training right now.  I cannot commit to the day sleep training yet…but pretty sure I’ll be doing that tomorrow.  He still cries most nights…but it is like clockwork…normally at like 3:45 in the morning and he’ll cry for fifteen to thirty minutes and then goes back to sleep until six to sevenish.  So, I know he doesn’t need to eat since he’ll sleep for a few more hours after he cries…just a matter of breaking the habit.  And yep, he is stubborn…oh, but guess what my friend, you got that stubbornness from someone…so, just try me.  (Actually, I am a total wimp at this and it kills me to hear him cry…hence why I cannot commit to day training.  I talk a big game.)  So, I won’t get him before six and if he wakes up before seven, then I’ll lay him back down…seven is the rule in our house (just ask Judah how well that works out).  I was hoping it would only take like three days and then like magic we would be good…not so much.  Oh, well…a girl can dream.  I know the day training is going to be much more painful.  The thing that makes me laugh is he can totally be crying and then I walk in to get him and he gives me the biggest smile…ah, my little manipulator…love it.  I still have been putting him in his cribs for his naps…just normally move him to swing after an hour…since he cannot last more than an hour in his crib…ugh.  And that is another rule in our house…naps are ninety plus minutes…end of story.  So, here is to sleep training…yay me, and time to pour myself a glass of wine.  Besides sleep training, he got lots of special one on one time with Mama since Jake took the big boys to Flag for the weekend.  And having one kid (and that kid being a baby) is like not having a kid at all…I know I thought having one kid was so hard when I was in it (and it is when that is your season), but oh my word…one kid is so dang easy.  So, he got to run lots of errands and he got all sorts of thrown off of his naps…and we even ate out at restaurants…we never do that because normally that is a painful experience…but with one kid it isn’t so painful.  And, I might have just sat and rocked him through one of his entire naps…yep, I might have done that.  He is still getting a bottle of formula before bed after I nurse him…that has been a chore for me to give him a bottle.  Now, he gets a bottle at least once or twice a week since I am working, but I am guessing he just really struggles with it because I am giving it to him?!?  Who knows.  He has gotten better, but a lot of times he just lets it roll out of his mouth…but if I switch to nurse him, he is willing to nurse…hmmm.  He is a game player…and I love him.  We’ll keep with the bottle…I want to pump him up as much as possible at night.  He has started to pop his paci out of his mouth and sometimes he’ll flip it upside down…look at him with his plethora of party tricks.  I have been told several times this past week that he looks just like me...lucky boy.  He is grabbing onto more things and I have busted out some more toys.  He continues to be amazed by his brothers and thinks they are the greatest things ever (however, he prefers them at a distance...Judah likes to “play eat” Sam’s fingers…except Judah doesn’t know how to “play eat” and Sam normally ends up with teeth marks in his fingers…poor buddy).  Purchased a bumper for the crib, but not sold on these “breathable” bumpers…looks like I’ll be getting a regular old bumper….when my lazy tail gets around to buying one.  He is still biting…I am about ready to bite him back…or just sic Judah on him.  He is moving himself all around and will roll to his side, but can’t get all the way to his stomach.  Hard to believe that in a few short months he’ll be mobile…ugh, not eagerly awaiting that day.  Sam is sweet, so sweet and so cute.  Love, love, love this baby!

I am really praying about this sleep training.  My mood is really dependent upon how my kids sleep.  I know it shouldn’t be…I am working on it.  I know it is just a season and it will pass…praying it passes sooner rather than later.  I want to enjoy each season…even the “non-napping, crying, fussy” seasons.  My hair is still totally falling out…like a lot…guessing it is still normal…however, ask me when I start having bald spots.  And, I sweat like nobody’s business…yes, I am a Johnson and sweating is part of my genes, but oh my word…it is unreal.  I would swear I am going through menopause…no joke.  And, I bought a few more “forgiving” clothing items…it is nice being able to fit into some clothes…who cares what size they are!  Praising God for each season (even the balding, sweaty, chunky seasons) and the incredible blessing we have in Sam!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Working it Out...


Yay for Sammy...sixteen weeks!  (And yay for me...back on track.)  Well, not quite four months yet and we started letting Sammy "work it out" (i.e., cry it out).  Honestly, I still can't do it every night, which I know defeats the whole purpose...I totally get that, but not only is it hard to listen to him cry, but we also have one of our mothers staying with us one night a week and it is fair to wake us up in the night, but I feel guilty about it waking one of them up.  And he is SUPER stubborn and does not go back to sleep very easily...he did one night, but another night he cried off and on for an hour...that was too much for me.  So, I'm figuring it all out right now...maybe this week we'll try some more "working it out"...we'll see.  I just wish he would figure it all out and start sleeping through the that too much to ask?

So, what else did week sixteen bring for Sammy?  Well, besides "working it out"...I am starting to give him a bottle every night of formula.  I give him the bottle after nursing him at his bed time feeding and his dream feed...trying to get as much in him as I can.  Sometimes he takes it and sometimes he just plays with it...clearly, he hasn't gotten the "formula is super expensive" memo...we don't waste it my friend.  We'll see if it works.  Hard to believe that we could introduce solids in the next week...we probably won't...I hate baby food (because I am super lazy) and our boys are TERRIBLE baby food eaters.  Yes, it may bring some extra calories in to help keep him full, but isn't worth my sanity...we'll start at six months most likely.  He is starting to stay awake longer and normally stays fairly happy.  I noticed this week that he seemed a bit more fussy, but nothing much - I am sure he is thinking, "Seriously, the mat again...I hate this mat.  Get a clue."  Oh, well...such is life and that mat has been a good friend (especially to me).  We are closely approaching that four month mark, which means the dreaded "nap hating" phase - I hate this phase.  I love my boys...but I love for them to nap.  Hugh didn't really have this phase because he didn't really start napping until four months, but it started at this age with Judah and it lasted off and on for our twelve weeks...yuck.  So, giddy we go.  It is always at this point that I think to myself, "Why did I ever do the swing?!?  I should have just done the crib from the very start!"  Oh, well.  We can handle it...we always do...and it can't last forever (I tell myself that with joke).  So, this next week will be trial and error with the whole sleep training...oh joy (have I mentioned how much I LOVE sleep training?!?).  We have graduated from the was time.  The "straight jacket" was a good friend...and provided some needed sleep when I thought I would never sleep again.  He is still moving all around the crib and I will most likely be purchasing a bumper - telling myself, "I am sure he is waking up when he hits his head on the slats."  He still continues to be such a happy guy...and is giving a lot more giggles.  I light up every time he just stares at me and doesn't get any better than that.  He is still drooling a ton - he is wet all the time between the drool and the spit-up (yep, still a spitter).  He is trying to put his whole fist in his mouth...don't worry, I showed him how to do it...yep, that is right I can fit my fist into mouth...quite the resume builder.  He continues to do great with tummy time...nice shaped head (for the most part...a little flat spot...but no concerns).  He loves the Bumbo, which is great.  Still not playing with a ton of toys...probably because I am too lazy to get them out and because I can't handle watching the big boys fight over the toys...that would DRIVE me CRAZY!  And you know what, he is happy to watch his big brothers...who adore him (well, for the most part - Judah was about a second from pushing him off of the grocery cart...he was strapped into his car seat, but still...I would have lost it).  He is a sweet baby...with a sweet smile...and I think some baby blues...time will tell!

So, what did week sixteen bring for me?  Well, it brought an embracing of my body.  I have not lost all my baby weight - that is a fact.  And every time I step into my closet, I have lots of clothes that all whisper "chunky, chunky, chunky" is hard walking into a closet where only like four things fit.  So, I got some new clothes...not a lot of new clothes, obviously, I want to fit back into my old clothes, but the reality is that right now I do not.  And I wanted some clothes that whisper "wear me, wear me, wear me"...because the "chunky" whisper was getting a little old.  I started to feel worse about myself wearing the same three pairs of shorts (all with elastic) and big t-shirts all week...puts me more into a slump.  And honestly, I need to start doing something to get me back on track to my pre-baby size...talking about losing weight doesn't work...whatever.  Right now, my focus is on feeding a body will come next (I am such a martyr...always putting others before myself).