Monday, July 23, 2012

A Sleepless Season


Welcome nineteen weeks…(well, actually already twenty weeks…I am always behind this time around.  Seriously, three kids has made me into a late, behind the schedule type of person…oh, well…guess I’ll just embrace it.)!  I started thinking Sammy was a 23rd baby as well (Hugh and Judah were both born on the 23rd of different months) since I was telling everyone this weekend he was almost five months.  Which of course, everyone responded with, “Wow, he is REALLY tiny for being five months!” And then I remembered he is only four and a half months, so he is HUGE for being four and a half months.  Almost everyone comments on how tiny Sam is – I am embracing it, but my “you’re a total mother failure” voice in the back of my head keeps telling me it is the breastfeeding.  Ugh.  I know he is healthy and happy…just tiny…and a terrible sleeper.  Such is my season and God is blessing me in it…every step of the way.

So, what did week nineteen bring for Sammy?  Well, it continues to bring junky sleep.  And a mother who fails at “working it out”.  It is just so hard to hear him cry when I know that just putting the pacifier back in will put him right back to sleep.  Yes, TOTALLY pacifier dependent.  One of these days I’ll let it happen and I’ll be consistent…one of these days.  And I thought he was at least getting into a better day schedule, but then the end of the week happened and his schedule was junk…oh well.  I am convinced he sleeps the best for me and when Jake is home he gets all thrown off…always seemed to be the case with the boys…they never wanted to miss a minute with Daddy.  We’ll see how this week goes.  Honestly, the schedules get harder with more kids…you aren’t home like you were with your first, so naps are on the go…poor buddy.  Still have the swing in the closet – it will not be coming back out.  I am so over the swing (nothing personal my faithful friend).  We’ll see how this next week goes…Jake reminded me that Hugh was not a good sleeper as a baby, but he is great now…true.  All in time…all in time.  But seriously, what a girl would do to get a good night of sleep?!?  Sam seems to be a very distracted eater and his brothers love to distract…yay me.  Wish I could cage the big boys while I nurse Sam – anyone have a cage I can borrow?...seriously.  There is still no love affair with nursing…at all.  I swear that time stops when I nurse…three minutes feels like forty-five minutes.  I am like in a breast feeding time warp…similar to the time warp I was in while pumping…I felt like time stood still, which wasn’t so bad when I could pump alone and have like five minutes ALL.TO.MYSELF!  And I digress.  So, I haven’t shared this on the blog yet…I am pregnant…kidding (if I was pregnant, you would be able to hear the screams all over the valley)…Sam is going to need surgery.  We have known pretty much since birth – he has a “boy parts" issue and he needs to get it fixed.  It is a very standard surgery, but it is never fun to have one of your babies have surgery.  It is better to do this surgery sooner rather than later, so it will be at the end of September.  We trust in God with our sweet boy – He is always in control. I pray that I won’t have anxiety over all of it, and will cast my worries at the Cross.  It is just hard.  Sammy learned a new trick this week and can now roll from his back to his tummy…he only does it in the crib.  At that point, he starts crying…because he is now on his belly when he would rather be on his back.  What I would like to say to Sam - #1 Just roll back over – you have been rolling from tummy to back since you were like six weeks.  What happens in your brain that you forget how to roll over?!?  #2 Just embrace the tummy sleeping – you are going to be sleeping on your tummy most likely anyway within the next month…just EMBRACE it!  Too bad he doesn’t listen to me.  He is still getting some serious mat time…much to his dismay.  He will rip some of the toys down now and toss them…do you think he is trying to tell me something?  Nah.  Seems like he would really like to sit up…he really works his abs when he is laying down…glad at least one of us is.  He has started to grab at my fork when I am eating now…maybe ready for solids…and here comes one of my crazy moments…so, I am looking into something called “baby led weaning” – it is a British term in regards to feeding your baby solid foods (I am so Euro.).  Basically, you bypass baby food and go straight to finger foods once your baby shows readiness – between six to eight months.  I am pretty much sold on the idea since I hate baby food and cannot for the life of me figure out how I am going to find time to feed Sam baby food.  So, I have about a month to figure it out since we wouldn’t be starting with solids/baby food/whatever until six months anyway. Another whole deal with this is the true “baby led weaning” on nursing and “they” say that if babies were to “lead” the weaning process – they would nurse until three to four years of age…uh, notta gonna happen…no way.  The mere thought sends chills down my spine.  I am a believer that breast is best, but my baby still gets formula and he survives…now, my ladies would not survive another three years…no way.  So, we’ll see.  Still have lots of people say they think he looks just like me...still don't really see it.  What I see is Sam's isthmus of hair - and I always sing "island in the sun" in my head (you know, that awesome Weezer song..."On an island in the sun, we'll be playing and having fun...")...he totally has Jake's awesome hairline.  He is super handsome...just has an "island in the sun" for his hair right now, which totally makes him look like a little man.  He continues to be so sweet – he has lots of smiles and giggles (mostly for those that really know him – he tends to be Serious Sam with those he doesn’t know).  He is such an easy going little guy (except for when he chooses not to sleep, then he is a total whining clingy monkey).  We are so blessed with this sweet baby.

I continue to seek God during this lack of sleep season – a good reminder that my strength comes from the Lord…always.  I also know that even when I am not getting great sleep, I always need to start my day in God’s word – it makes a HUGE impact on how on our day goes and how I respond to the boys.  God is so patient and kind with me…I pray that is my heart to my boys…especially during this sleepless season.


Amy said...

Sammy is definitely a Johnson. :) I'll be praying for the sleeping...I know it is hard.

Brandie said...

IDWhat a CUTE baby! I want to come hold Sam. Being a mom of three can be rough. I've been working on 3 things this summer pretty much daily with my girls: A. Don't interrupt mom when she is on the phone. B. Do not act like animals in the grocery store (no crawling on the floor Abby or licking the frozen food doors) and C. You must be QUIET when I'm nursing Parker (I'm beginning to think this is impossible...can I get one of those cages?) Just over two weeks to go until my body is back to myself, which includes cocktail time and access to over the counter medications. I want to know more about Sam's surgery. Parker has an issue in that department (no surgery needed I hope).
Praying for YOU!