So, what did week two bring for little Max? Well, besides waking up...it brought lots of comfort in breast feeding (shoot me). Let's be honest - I have no love affair with breast feeding - never have and probably never will. It is a means to an end for me. There is no romantics arounds breast feeding for me...no loving moments, sweet touch, etc...that stuff is for the birds (in my opinion). However, I do feel like it is going better for me than it ever has before - one of the main reasons, a (uh-hum)...nip cream that I have (I had it for Sam as well...but got it long after the damage was done on my ladies...this time around I was proactive...best decision ever). Honestly, this stuff is amazing - it is a prescription and I had my midwife in AZ write a script for me before I left. Every nursing mom should leave the hospital with this cream - no joke. Let's all be honest - Lansinoh sucks. Ok, enough on my crazy nip cream tangent (don't forget - I rarely get enough sleep each night). So, it is going fine...however, Max is EXTREMELY slow at nursing (oh.my.word) and he normally always falls asleep, which makes for efficient nursing so much more difficult. I am fairly certain, it will be the death of me. Also, Max can nurse for an hour and be dead asleep...BUT if anything touches his cheek, he wakes right up and starts rooting again. Ugh. I know he is gaining weight (midwives come to your house here for the first three weeks after the baby is born to do weight checks (check for jaundice, remove c-section staples, etc.)...love this - so much easier than getting ready and taking Max out to his doctor. However, I know the midwife would like to see more weight gain - hoping he packs on the grams (I am so Euro now) this week! So, I am hoping he starts to find some comfort in a pacifier and not my ladies all the time...working on it. I don't want anyone finding comfort in any part of my body - I know I don't! I think this could be a first for my boys that I haven't introduced the bottle in the first two weeks (I wrote this before my nightmare of a night on Wednesday...the bottle and formula have officially been introduced.). We all know that I am not anti-bottle, but I'll be honest - there is no love affair with Mr. Pump either (he would be devastated to hear this...but it is the truth). So, right now I am the lone cow...it is lonely job, but someone has to do it (sometimes, I wish that someone was Jake). My favorite part of feeding Max is having all the other boys come in and watch (I am sure they'll need years of therapy)...but the best line is from Judah (as he watches Max eat), "You let Max eat your belly!?!" I laugh every time. And then, Judah proceeds to show me his other "belly" (his nips) and normally says, "Do you think Max wants to eat my belly too?" I wish, buddy - so funny. I'll be honest, my crazy is starting to come out this week - been a stressful week and I am certain Max has colic...or, it could have just been a REALLY bad night (like worst night ever as a mother)...or, something I ate that didn't agree with his tummy...who knows?!? What I do know, is that my crazy is starting to come out. Oh, joy. Jake is a lucky guy. Realizing my strength comes from the Lord, and His grace (and His grace alone) will sustain me...hard remembering that on those super hard nights.
So, Max had his big "C" this week - it is not easy to find a doctor in Switzerland who performs the big "C"...not easy at all. We know it is not something Europeans do and we understand that, but being that his brothers all succumbed to the big "C"...we did it with Max as well. If this was our first son, we would have said forget it. I was nervous about finding a good doctor here to do it since it is so uncommon. Luckily, I found another mom who had asked the question on one of the mom's forum (and she suffered all the persecution so I could avoid it) and she gave me a name of a doctor...a good gynecologist (what the...?!?)...yes, the big "C" was performed by a lady parts doctor...hmmm, just embrace it...chalk it up to the ex-pat experience. He has been doing the procedure for over twenty years and was pretty much our only option - we liked him (he is SUPER French with a handlebar mustache and everything), but the procedure here if definitely different than in the states. So, Max is still healing - should be good in the next week.
His brothers still absolutely adore him and fight over who gets to hold him - even Sam is super into Max (definitely have to keep an eye on Sam around Max...Sam is a little unpredictable). I am so very thankful that his brothers love him so much. Besides eating (like ALL the time!!!) and trying to sleep, Max hasn't done much - we don't go anywhere and he hasn't had really much planned wake-time. Part of me is itching for that schedule (I read that Babywise mom blog) and then part of me realizes that I am so NOT a Babywise mom and this is my fourth and final baby...and I just need to relax! Oh, so much easier said than done for me. We are putting Max in the Woombie (love the straight jacket!)...however, not sure it really helps him sleep. We busted out the swing as well - I am pulling at straws for a little peace...and sleep. (I also bust out the wine...helps me sleep...too bad it doesn't help Max sleep.) Max HATES having his diaper and clothes changed (he hasn't gotten the memo that this is life and to stop peeing all over himself). Max is sweet - despite his screaming and shark attack at me for food...he has had a hard week...we all have.
So, I really do (honestly) want to enjoy this time...it is my last time and these days are flying away from me already. Max is so little and cuddly...and so needy, and he needs me. Oh, how I need to be okay with being needed...by one more person...one more little boy. God has shown me my ugly heart over the last five years since I became a mom - I am selfish, self-centered, put my needs before others, self-sufficient to a fault...and the list goes on...I pray that God continues to break my heart over my sin and I realize that my calling right now is to be a mother...to needy little boys...who need a mom who loves them with all of her heart, who puts their needs in front of her own, who realizes that being a mom to lots of little boys is passing her by quickly and the time isn't coming back...I pray I can be that mother (it won't happen every second of the day...I am human, but I pray that I am mother more often than not). Thanking God for my house of boys...as crazy as it all is and as sleep deprived as I may be!