Friday, December 20, 2013

Beautiful Chaos

Baby boy is five weeks and officially one month! Oh, my sweet baby. Love this little boy. It is hard to believe at times that we have four (FOUR) boys! That is a lot of boys! I am very thankful for each and every one of our boys...God placed Max into our lives because it was exactly what we needed. I have been a reading a book about wanting more (the "only if" scenarios) and placing yourself at the center of the universe versus seeking God's glory and placing Him at the center. So, as I have been doing things I am trying to say things I am thankful for rather than always thinking of myself and being thankful for little hands when cleaning up messes, being thankful for full bellies when washing dishes or when the boys are destroying the house being thankful it is just a rental or when watching Homeland being thankful for pirated TV or when Max pees all over the bed in the night being thankful it is on Jake's side or when breastfeeding being thankful for plastic surgery (because no ladies can handle this much damage)...ok, just kidding...but I am really trying to focus on all the incredible blessings I have versus on what I don't may be chaotic, but it is a beautiful chaos and Max adds perfectly to it all.

So, what did week five bring for Max? Well, it brought a big adjustment...Gramma Anne went home (ok, this was a bigger adjustment for me). My mom had been with us for two months...she had to go home. She was a HUGE help...she is missed. Not sure Max notices, but he feels it through me because Max and I are very tight. Max survived his first couple of days of me being solo (I should get a medal). I still think he has a growth spurt like every other day...and every night from seven until ten. That is definitely his AWAKE time...ugh. The difference with Max than our other boys is as long as you are holding him or feeding him, he seems fairly chill. The issue is feeding him for three plus hours is downright exhausting and evil...and just plain wrong...wrong! Breastfeeding has been going fine, but it is ugly - I am an ugly breast pigs and hogs fighting all wild...just plain ugly. I am never comfortable doing it - formula companies should use me in ads - women would run from breastfeeding because it is so downright ugly. I normally will end this exhausting feeding marathon with a bottle. Thankfully, Max has no issue with a bottle and I give myself some grace - ain't nobody got time for that...for never ending breastfeeding sessions...too much to take care of, too many snacks to eat, too much smut TV to watch. Max has been sleeping well - this has nothing to do with me...all about God's grace. Honestly, he has had nine hour stretches at night...should I wake him? No freaking way and if my milk supply suffers because of it, then that is God's plan. And, the good news is - he has been sleeping on his own...but still in our room...Jake is still sleeping in the bunk beds. We still haven't moved is complicated (not really, but I want it to sound really dramatic versus laziness). We'll move some point. Sadly, even though Max is sleeping well, I normally don't sleep that great. Babies make a ridiculous amount of noise while sleeping and I can only sleep on my side for so long with a pillow over my head before I have to go back to my back to is complicated (seriously). It will be good to get him in the steps. We are still rocking the Woombie - this thing is joke. 

I am also a total believer in the essential oils and use them all day on Max. Maybe I am crazy (well, for sure I am crazy), but the oils work...I swear. His brothers are still all over him - they love him and fight over who gets to sit next to him. Sam has been known to pull Max all over the ground when he is on his play mat...awesome. Judah lets me know that he can take care of Max and tries to pick him the bed...that won't end well. Now that my mom is gone, Sam knows that when I am feeding Max he can get away with murder - that little boy is so mischievous - it is unreal. Max is getting more tummy time, but probably nowhere near the amount that is recommended...maybe he'll be a super late crawler...sounds fantastic to me. Our problem still is that he takes FOREVER to eat...seriously. So, by the time he is done eating - he needs to go back to sleep. I am not sure who is to blame for the lack of efficient eating - maybe it is me...who knows. I am just hoping it gets today...because these never ending breastfeeding sessions are gonna kill me! I swear Max is smiling at me - Jake doesn't buy it, but you know why he doesn't buy it...because he is jealous. Max loves me...big time. He just stares at me like I am the most important thing in his world...wait, I am the most important thing in his world. I have started to put away some of the newborn outfits - he can still wear the newborn outfits, but they are getting a little snug in the length. The problem is, he swims in the zero to three month outfits - he needs a tweener size. He still hates to have his diaper changed - he hates to be cold...I now understand why people buy wipe warmers...for reals. I still think he looks a lot like Hugh - Jake thinks so as well...he thinks Max has the Cro-magnon forehead like Hubey did (Hugh likes fine today with his big ol' can do wonders for a child). Only time will tell - maybe Max will be a good mix of Jake and me...we'll see. Overall, Max is doing great - he is sweet and so little...hard to believe how little he is! And, I survived my first few solo days of four for Christmas break with Jake being home...yay!

We are truly blessed...unbelievably blessed, and undeserving of these blessings. I pray my heart is to give thanks everyday and to laugh...laughing things off rather than freaking out is normally the best solution. I know the days won't be perfect (not by a long stretch), but I can choose my attitude...choose who I worship...self or God. Here is to beautiful chaos and Max's first Christmas!!!

(My computer died...I cannot be held responsible for the formatting issues.)