Saturday, January 25, 2014

Who Needs Naps?!?

Here we are - ten weeks for Max! Or Maxamoose or Maxie as we so affectionately call him. We are BIG into nicknames in this family - all of those boys have them...several to be exact. When you tell Judah his name is Judah Jacob, he will tell you his name is actually Judah Bearzo. Lots of nicknames! So, I actually didn't want to name Max "Max" because of the fear we would nickname him "Maxie" (because yes, I think of maxi pad)...and yep, we call him Maxie. I really try not to do it...and then it happens. Working on it. I struggle because we have a lot of one syllable names in this house, but I am a firm believer young kids need two syllable names...yes, I am crazy. Luckily, we live in Europe and maybe no one here knows what a maxi pad is?!?  Sometimes, it takes me putting a thought into print to really see how crazy I am! I know I will eventually just call him Max...right now, it doesn't matter. Ok, enough about the nickname. Whatever we call him - he is super cute and we love him so much! Honestly, as crazy as everything is - I cannot imagine our family without this sweet little boy...what a blessing!

So, what did week ten bring for Max? Well, he is getting a lot quicker at nursing, which is great...however, he isn't napping great, which is no bueno. Of course, my mind immediately goes to the fact that he is eating quicker, but maybe he isn't eating that is why he isn't napping well. This boy has always been good for a solid morning nap. I am crazy when it comes to eating and my babies...Hugh did this to me. I have definitely eased up...but I like my babies to eat and sleep...the two things I cannot control. Ugh. He is probably just going through a nap hating phase - all our boys have done this, but ten weeks seems a little early. He will nap if I am holding and rocking him...he is smart...he knows that is the only way he gets my undivided attention...however, this is a little difficult when Sam is awake...because Sam would find a way to burn the house down if he could...he is so dang curious! Sam can get into a medicine bottle quicker than I joke. I am trying not to think about the non-napping too much - I wear crazy well, but I don't need anymore crazy in my life! Hoping this next week, he gets back on track. The great thing is, Max is a pacifier baby...the terrible thing is, Max is a pacifier baby...the love/hate relationship with that pacifier! I still love it more than I hate it...but it adds to my crazy. Max is officially on his way to becoming a US citizen! The passport paperwork is filed (well, almost...but that is a long, we'll just say it is filed) and is being is nice to have some form of ID for your child when you live abroad. You don't think about it much when you live in the states, but you think about it they rush the passports thankfully. His social security number will come much later (like six months), which makes no sense to me...wait, the US government policies don't make sense...hmmm. The passport is just one step in our process - he still needs a resident card and his permit to actually be allowed to live is a process. Luckily, he doesn't need a VISA. However, once we have his passport - we can travel...but we need to get on the permit paperwork ASAP as well. So many steps :)

We have been trying the earlier bedtime for nine-ish. Some nights it is great...and some nights he is still awake at steps! He seems to do better when I rock him for a bit and then just lay him down...he is up for a bit, but then will eventually calm himself and fall asleep. However, I love to rock this baby...especially when he is asleep. Melt my heart. And, sometimes I will rock him and cry a little hormones are a crazy mess! I just know I am going to miss this sweet time. He is still super smiley and really tries hard to laugh (Jake is trying to get him to laugh...trying to steal another first laugh from me...jerk!). Max started laughing in his sleep the other cute. He desperately just wants people to look at him (and by people, I mean me)...he always has a smile for me...a big opened mouth one. He is starting to find his voice - he is cooing and doing a little bit of the voice...and then they get older and it is never ending...but I'll take ears were meant for listening to lots of little boys. He went on his first walk with Daddy - he did great! He loves his shower time with Daddy. It is official - he can roll from his stomach to back...once I see things happen, then I believe it (Jake seeing it doesn't count). He pretty much rolls to his back the second you put him on his tummy. Hoping for no flat head - not even sure what they do here for it, but the doctor dis look for it at his two month appointment so that is good. He spends a lot of time in his bouncer, and then a lot of time in the car seat in the evening - it is easier for me to put him in his car seat and have him a bit covered from his brothers and I can rock him...all while trying to cook some gets a little crazy! He is still absolutely adored by his brothers...we all adore this sweet baby boy!!

So, week ten brought my first emotional breakdown...I knew it was coming and it came. I am in a hard season in my life...I would be in a hard season whether I was here or in Phoenix. I am also in an amazing season of my life where I get to see the wonder of life through my boys' eyes. I am torn a lot - I always feel like there is so much to do and I have always been the person to want to do it all...but it is always at the expense of someone. It use to be myself...I would work crazy hours because I am a total people pleaser and I would never get enough sleep or take care of myself. Jake would suffer as well because of my long hours and hectic work schedule...thankfully, he was in that same season as well. Now, my boys suffer...because of my never ending to-do list and desire to have everything done all the time. I want to change...not sure I know how. I can read every book or blog post about being the mom who lets go and runs freely with her children...putting into practice...hmmm...and when I run freely, do the little elves come out and keep up with the never ending laundry and cook meals for hungry bellies?!? I am thankful that God has been revealing my sin constantly to when I am going to freak out because my almost two year-old has put peanut butter all in his hair during lunch while I have been nursing a baby...and then I remember he is almost two and that is a messy stage of life...embrace it. Or, when my older two boys are throwing random things in the air and it knocks pictures over...that wasn't their intent...they were just figuring out what would happen when you throw random things in the air (now, I would think common sense would come into play...however, they are boys...and they are only five and three)...don't freak out. Or, when my boys wear their snow boots inside and they track mud everywhere...don't freak out...wait, no...I still freak out and yell at steps. I see God really working on my heart here - some days I have a much more teachable heart than other days. I am so thankful for God's grace - I so wish I just had a sliver of that for my boys...I am working on it. The hypocrisy I see in my heart at times is frightening. I want my boys to see God's grace flowing from see the love of God flowing from me...not to see a frustrated mom with a to-do list five pages deep and a focus that isn't on them. In theory, it all sounds so practice, it is much harder. I am being stretched more than I have ever been...more than I thought I ever could be...but God is bigger than all that...thankfully. His word never said it wasn't going to be hard...but I can trust that His yoke is easy and His burden is light.


Anonymous said...

the struggles can be super challenging and totally overwhelming. keep speaking grace to your heart and mind. and keep looking for joy on this crazy tidal wave called parenting. love you two! ann

Amy Gerak said...

You are in such an amazingly, overwhelming, trying, yet joyous season, just like you said, Jenn. Then, add to the mix that you had quite a bit of change going on!! Praying for you and lifting you all up. Love this verse-- He tends his flock like a shepherd:He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;he gently leads those that have young. Is 40:11. God is leading you as you lead them, and you are doing an amazing job wearing the crazy! Love you all, Amy :)