Saturday, March 15, 2014

The Training

Another week...seventeen to be exact...and four months old! What?!? How is little Maxime already four months old? Well, I guess it is because he keeps aging...we all do. He gets cuter with age and I get grayer with sad. Hard to believe that one third of his first year is in the going back to those precious newborn moments. He is still such a sweet little guy with the biggest smiles. He still absolutely adores his Mama (I'll take it for as long as I can get it...until he realizes I am so not the fun one). He just stares at me and gives me the best smiles...Max smiles with his whole face and I love it. His eyes close and look like little rainbows (the shape)...I know that sounds ridiculous and crazy, but it is true and I love it. This boy has captured my heart many times over...he is one of many boys to capture my heart, but he still has my whole they all do.

So, what did week seventeen bring for Max? Well, not that Max notices much but it has brought the traveling Daddy (not to say that Jake doesn't play a HUGE roll, but Max doesn't notice...yet)...however, I notice and it is hard! Especially when you have one son that wakes up every night crying (and it isn't Max). Praying for God's patience and grace during these next few weeks. I will need every last bit of it. So, we are still working on the crib transition. We still use a combo of the crib (first two naps of the day), the swing (last nap of the day), and the rock and play sleeper (for nights) baby, my judgement. If I am the one doing the training, then it is my plan. I can't risk the night time sleep at this moment. The crib transition has been going ok...some naps are better than others. And, if we are being honest...I don't let him cry. I just can't do it...I had this same issue with Sam. You would think that the more children I have, the easier the crying would be...nope, not one little bit. But you know what, Sam naps now...but it was a long first year of life. Hoping Max gets on the nap train a little sooner. Maybe, I'll let him cry...but I highly doubt it. It will be weird packing up baby gear for the very last time once we make the full transition to the crib. BUT, we aren't there yet! He is still taking his pacifier - but only when he is sleeping. So, yes - I play the drop the pacifier put it back in game. He is now in size two baby is getting big too quickly (envision me crying right now because I am). He is totally resisting tummy time now and just cries...sad. I still make him tough it out though. He still spends lots of time in the Bumbo...and is losing his love affair with it day by day.

He loves to stand and it is so funny when he stands because he puffs out his chest and gets this strong look on his funny. He is such a tough, little guy. He sees his big brothers running around and wrestling...and wants to join in on the action...NOOO!!! Of course, I wouldn't want it any other way...but not now...he can join them in three to five years! He loves to kick around and pump his little legs. He still doesn't really reach for much...doesn't open his hands too much yet. He'll get rush here. His brothers are still super into him...but Judah and him have a special, so sweet. He still loves to suck on his hands. Hard to believe that we could be starting rice cereal now. As some of you may know, I HATE baby food...with a passion. With Sam, we said forget the baby food and it was messy...but easier. So, we still have a good three to four months before food for this baby...yay me! Honestly, the thought of feeding one more kid a meal makes me want to rip my eyelashes out. Seriously. Being a mom is death by meals, bedtimes, and laundry...ugh. He tried out the double stroller...Judah has been ousted! Hopefully, he likes it. He still doesn't mind the Ergo, but doesn't really love taking his naps in it...sometimes, he is just going to have to go with the flow. And, for the most part - Max does go with the flow...such a sweet, sweet baby. I cannot imagine my mornings without his sweet smiles and kissing his soft, fuzzy head. In love!!!


So, I wish I could have a better attitude at times. Honestly, I have been struggling...just trying to get through the days...this is a deep, hard season. Sometimes, I feel so alone in it all...and I realize how discontent I am. I know I have so much to be thankful for...but I lose sight of that at times. I forget that God hasn't abandoned me...He is with me every step of the way...carrying me a lot of the days. But when you are so deep it have a hard time taking your eyes off yourself. That is where I am. Praying that I seek Christ when I feel so exhausted that I feel like I am going to break, or when I want to snap at my kids (or snap one of my kids), or dig a deep hole and jump into it. Praying that I remind myself that He hasn't left me...He just has me right where He wants me. (On a side note - I think I have lost more hair than humanely possible this time around...I am quite sure that I have lost more hair in the last month than Jake had in his lifetime (excluding his hairy back). And, remember that song..."your hair is everywhere...screaming infidelities"...yep, that is all me...yuck.)

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